Dear self.....
- Ling Ling
- Jan 22
- 3 min read
When you look back at your early twenties, it’s easy to think you had everything figured out. You believed your dream job was the key to happiness and that friendships would naturally fall into place. But life has a way of teaching lessons that no book or mentor can fully prepare you for.
What I Wish I Knew About Friendships
At 21, you might think friendships are easy to make and maintain. You expect people to stick around just because you share good times. But genuine friendships require more than shared interests or proximity.
Quality Over Quantity
You don’t need a large circle of friends. Instead, focus on a few people who truly understand and support you. These are the friends who listen without judgment, celebrate your wins, and stand by you during tough times.
Look for friends who show consistency in their actions.
Choose people who respect your boundaries and values.
Invest time in deep conversations, not just surface-level chats.
Be Vulnerable and Authentic
It’s tempting to put on a mask to fit in or impress others. But real connections come from showing your true self, including your fears and imperfections. When you open up, you invite others to do the same, creating a bond built on trust.
Friendships Need Effort
Friendships don’t thrive on occasional texts or social media likes. They require time, attention, and sometimes difficult conversations. Don’t wait for others to reach out first. Take the initiative to check in, plan meetups, or simply share how you feel.
Let Go of Toxic Relationships
Not every friendship is meant to last. Some people drain your energy or bring negativity. It’s okay to step back from relationships that harm your well-being. Surround yourself with those who lift you up.
The Dream Job That Wasn’t
At 21, you might have pictured your dream job as the ultimate goal. Maybe it was a high-profile role, a creative position, or a career that promised prestige and financial success. But reality often looks different.
The Job Doesn’t Define You
Your dream job might not bring the satisfaction you expected. Sometimes, the daily tasks, office culture, or work-life balance don’t match the ideal you imagined. Remember, a job is just one part of your life, not your entire identity.
Passion Can Change Over Time
What excites you now might not hold the same appeal in a few years. Interests evolve, and that’s natural. Be open to exploring new paths and learning from different experiences. Your career journey is not a straight line.
Look for Meaning and Growth
Instead of chasing a title or salary, focus on roles that offer learning opportunities and align with your values. A job that challenges you and helps you grow can be more fulfilling than one that looks perfect on paper.
Balance Matters
A dream job that consumes all your time and energy can lead to burnout. Prioritize work that allows you to maintain your health, relationships, and hobbies. Success includes well-being, not just achievements. When my dad passed I consumed myself with the need to prove to my boss my loyalty but it only lead me to the company wanting more of me. All that dedication for nothing.....I just did not know how to balance. That's when I realized I was replaceable, I was just a somebody to them that made them money.
How to Move Forward
Build Friendships That Last
Be present: Show up for friends during important moments.
Communicate openly: Share your thoughts and listen actively.
Support growth: Encourage friends to pursue their goals and dreams.
Reevaluate Your Career Goals
Try new things: Volunteer, take courses, or switch roles to discover what fits.
Seek mentors: Find people who inspire you and can offer guidance.
Set realistic goals: Break down your ambitions into achievable steps.
Embrace Change
Life rarely follows the plan you set at 21. Embrace the unexpected twists and turns. Each experience, whether good or bad, teaches you something valuable.
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